It's been almost an hour since I blogged that I decided to lose weight, and I haven't lost any weight. I'm getting really discouraged. I need a bag of chips.

So I finally decided to try, at least a little bit, to extend my life some and purge my system of some much unneeded weight. I'm fat, my feet hurt, and short of some ether and a van, I'll never be able to fulfill my celebrity sex wish list. So here we go:

I'm going to ride my bike across the country.

From the end of Wilshire Blvd. near where I live in Santa Monica, Ca., all the way back to Stanhope, NJ, where I grew up to be the fat bastard I am now (long story). My bike? My route? My plan? Next time. It's enough I've made the decision. Now I feel like eating a stick of butter.